dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she peed on how many people?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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