Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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