she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
