Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
