Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i now understand why vodka
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
