The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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