He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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