Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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