You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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