So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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