A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
