Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dear god my vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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