When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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