see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
