Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sext me about skeletons
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
