Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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