I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
