eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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