i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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