My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
