Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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