He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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