We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
