I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
