JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
