We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
