i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
