Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
