....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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