what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
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I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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