i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
