I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
