We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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