did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
