No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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