you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
