I'd wear matching sweaters with you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
