He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
