eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
