if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
