I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i will never coherently bang her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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