she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize