I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
