she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
