i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
