I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
