so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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