I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
