you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
