How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
