it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
