It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
