Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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