is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
