Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
