I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
