theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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