The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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