i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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