Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no you cant smoke seaweed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
