They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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