dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
