One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
