He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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