i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
