I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we made out on top of his cat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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