if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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