in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
