Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
