could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
