five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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