Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
