first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Randomize
