I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
