He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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