when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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