can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
