Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
