I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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