he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
