I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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