Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
