walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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