I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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