just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
